Funny Story

[AlphaGriz1]

"In the last 24 hours" I get a call from a friend that said he "needs help fast......might die" then hung up.

He is lucky, I was in town and drove over to his house. I knock on the door......ring the doorbell....punch in the code to the garage door and go into the house.

Nobody is up stairs and I was getting kind of a bad feeling about things. So I proceeded to go downstairs. The minute I turned the corner I see a bunch of "stuff" on the tile floor and found it to be blood......I am thinking WTF!

I follow it to the guest bedroom and see my buddy wrapped in a towel laying on the floor partially conscious and babbling about getting him to the hospital. He had a gashes on his face, mouth, back and neck. He had some glass in his shoulder and neck and was missing some teeth. I took him up the stairs, put him in the truck and headed to the hospital.

When we got there and I got him inside I had to talk to the emergency room doctor and he was asking what happened, I told him exactly what I just posted. He asked me if I thought the guy was suicidal? I relied HELL NO.....not even a possibility. He got his name and I called his wife who was out of town.

So anyway after they get him some blood, stitch him up and get him hydrated they let me come back this morning and talk to him.


I said "Dude, WTF is wrong with you and why did you put me in that fu*ked up situation, why didnt you just call 911 and get help there faster than I could get him to the hospital."

He says....."because I was embarrassed"

I asked the jackass "Why" and his reply is:

I was downstairs taking a shower after mowing the lawn, he says he had his head under the water after washing his hair and "waterboarded himself". He said he had his eyes closed and water was running down his face and he panicked, lost his balance and fell threw the glass shower door......hitting his head on the vanity/sink and knocked himself and a couple teeth out. He said when he came too, he crawled through the glass into the room and called me.

So I then told him he was a "fu*king liar and to just admit he was "choke and stroking" (Hes a big David Carradine fan) and something went horribly wrong. The nurse looked at me like I was some kind of freak and hillbilly teeth started laughing and blood came out of his face.


His wife calls me back and I went with the Choke n Stroke story. I told her I swung by caught him cranking it and he ran into the bath room and fell.

[LTown Cat]

Blame global warming. If it weren't for that he would never be mowing in Butte on 9/27!

[LongTimeCatFan]

Alpha that has to be the funniest sh*t you have ever posted on here. That was great. Thanks for sharing that with the rest of us and I hope your friend has a speedy recovery.

[AlphaGriz1]

Come on man, I have posted many funny things on here this is just a sample.................

[chester Spartanpot]

Chester is not surprised that a friend of Alpha would want to waterboard himself