North Dakota jokes

Cat-theotherwhitemeat · Post by **Cat-theotherwhitemeat** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:01 pm

MinotBison wrote:Q: Do you know the difference between Miss Montana and a walrus?
A: About ten lbs. and a moustache.

Q: You know how you get the two to look more alike?
A: Shave Miss Montana and force feed the walrus.

Come on now, you know that's both of our states!

Grizlaw · Post by **Grizlaw** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:04 pm

Cat-theotherwhitemeat wrote:
MinotBison wrote:Q: Do you know the difference between Miss Montana and a walrus?
A: About ten lbs. and a moustache.

Q: You know how you get the two to look more alike?
A: Shave Miss Montana and force feed the walrus.
Come on now, you know that's both of our states!

You only think that because you went to MSU - Billings, Meat.

Cat-theotherwhitemeat · Post by **Cat-theotherwhitemeat** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:25 pm

Grizlaw wrote:
Cat-theotherwhitemeat wrote:
MinotBison wrote:Q: Do you know the difference between Miss Montana and a walrus?
A: About ten lbs. and a moustache.

Q: You know how you get the two to look more alike?
A: Shave Miss Montana and force feed the walrus.
Come on now, you know that's both of our states!
You only think that because you went to MSU - Billings, Meat.

Hey, we had one good looking girl on campus. And I'm marrying her....yeah me!

11JBN11 · Post by **11JBN11** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 6:26 pm

I dont know, Im at a party. But BISON prevail.

Topher · Post by **Topher** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 6:33 pm

Knock Knock

"Who's There?"

"The only state with a shrinking population."

"The only state with a shrinking population who?"

"Geez you moron, don't you know that North Dakota is the only state with a shrinking population?"

hmmmm...think about it

spider · Post by **spider** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 8:06 pm

Found some goodies for your enjoyment!

Q: What does it say on the bottom of a North Dakota Pepsi-Cola bottle?
A: This side down.

A North Dakotan received a pair of water skis for his birthday. He went crazy looking for a slope on the lake.

Then there was the North Dakotan who noticed the sign "Wet Pavement"… so he did.

Q: Why can't you get ice cubes in North Dakota?
A: Because the old lady who had the recipe died.

When the North Dakotan accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not going down there just for 50 cents."

Q: Why did the North Dakotan go around the block 24 times?
A: His blinker was stuck.

Did you here about the North Dakotan who broke his arm while raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.

Q: Why did the North Dakotan put a hole in his umbrella?
B: He wanted to know when the rain stopped.

A North Dakotan Game:
Two North Dakotans go into a dark closet. One sneaks out, and the other one tries to guess who is missing.

BelgradeBobcat · Post by **BelgradeBobcat** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 9:38 pm

What do you get when you cross a North Dakotan with gorilla?

A retarded gorilla.

"Lord I apologize for that joke, and be with all the pygmies in New Guinea"

Grizlaw · Post by **Grizlaw** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 11:09 pm

Cat-theotherwhitemeat wrote: Hey, we had one good looking girl on campus. And I'm marrying her....yeah me!

Well congrats, Meat.

And actually, the one female alum of MSU-Billings that I know personally is good looking too, so I know you had at least two good looking ones on campus...

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 7:00 am

You know why they have artificial turf in ND stadiums?
Keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

Why do they cover the pews with cow manure at North Dakota weddings?
Keep the flies off the bride.

Group of North Dakotans decide to go ice fishing downstream from the state line. After several hours with no fish, they decide to go ask the Montanans with the huge pile of fish on the ice what they're doing. One says "Go find out." The other goat farmer comes back and states "They're cheating. Those damn Montanans cut a hole in the ice."

Green-N-Gold · Post by **Green-N-Gold** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 7:08 am

How do Montana ranchers find sheep in the tall grass?

VERY satisfying!

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 7:14 am

A North Dakota lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 7:19 am

Why we all can learn from animals

This North Dakota farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.
The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?"

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?"

Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"

grizzh8r · Post by **grizzh8r** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 5:00 pm

A Texan, a North Dakotan, and a Montanan were Riding in the back of a pickup one night when the truck went over a bridge and crashed through the guard rail into the water. The Montanan was the first one ashore. The Texan got to land next. The Montanan asked the Texan where the North Dakotan was. He said " I dunno. Think he drowned tryin' to open the tailgate!"

NDSUbison · Post by **NDSUbison** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:02 pm

How do you get a Montana St girl out of her dorm room.

Grease her hips and dangle a twinkie in front of the door.

NDSUbison · Post by **NDSUbison** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:10 pm

Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Montana?
A: It's too hard on the mule.

definitivegriz · Post by **definitivegriz** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:20 pm

BULLETIN FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.

Montana quarters recalled. They may be worth much more than 25 cents.

The U. S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Montana quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from
each state.

"We are recalling all the new Montana quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or other coin-operated devices."

Shackleford said the problem lies in the unique design of the Montana quarter, which was created by a recent graduate of Montana State University in Bozeman. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.

BelgradeBobcat · Post by **BelgradeBobcat** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:05 pm

NDSUbison wrote:How do you get a Montana St girl out of her dorm room.

Grease her hips and dangle a twinkie in front of the door.

I don't care who you are-that's funny!

Who discovered North Dakota?

The Roto Rooter man in Sidney, Montana.

Da Bizon · Post by **Da Bizon** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:56 pm

White Powder Found at MSU Bozeman practice!
Practice was halted on Tuesday after a white powder was discovered on the Bobcat's practice field. The local authorities were called in to investigate. After analyzing the sample, they deemed everything to be safe. It turned out it was endzone chalk and the Bobcats won't have to worry about finding that again any time soon.

CelticCat · Post by **CelticCat** » Tue Sep 20, 2005 11:21 pm

I see this has gone from ND/MT jokes to Bobcat specific jokes... I'll have to change up my jokes to slam NDSU itself.

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:18 am

These four NDSU friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Fargo and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to campus until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Fargo for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points):

Which tire?

North Dakota jokes

Oops, MSU. (Sorry for the repeat, if so.)