North Dakota jokes

The place to talk smack with those not fortunate enough to be Bobcat fans.

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Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:20 am

At NDSU there was a football player that was extremely stupid. He sat beside a boy in class that was really smart and the teacher knew that he was cheating, but he just couldn't catch him.

One day she was grading a test and she noticed that the smart boy had written "I don't know the answer" on number 10.

So she looked at the jock's paper and smiled. He had finally given himself away. His answer looked like this:
10. me neither



Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:23 am

This is why we have smarter players! Our kids have figured out how to beat the system already :wink:

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at MSU. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two-hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except for the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"GOOD!" replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

It worked. The professor really didn't know who he was!



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WYOBISONMAN
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Post by WYOBISONMAN » Wed Sep 21, 2005 8:15 am

Cat Grad wrote:These four NDSU friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Fargo and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to campus until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Fargo for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points):

Which tire?
I think I had that SOB for a class!!! :shock:


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BILLYBEAR
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Post by BILLYBEAR » Wed Sep 21, 2005 11:21 am

A North Dakota farmer drove down to the tax assessors office to pay his property tax bill... the clerk informed him that a government surveyor had
noticed an error on a property survey.....they informed him his property is in Montana...looking somewhat relieved...the farmer replied...Thank god...I dont think I could stand one more of those god-damned North Dakota winters!


CATCH, FILLET AND RELEASE !!!

Da Bison
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Post by Da Bison » Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:31 pm

Q. Do you know why toothpaste must have been invented in Montana?


A. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called teethpaste :lol: :lol: :lol:



Da Bizon
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Post by Da Bizon » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:15 pm

WYOBISONMAN wrote:
Cat Grad wrote:These four NDSU friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Fargo and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to campus until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Fargo for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points):

Which tire?
I think I had that SOB for a class!!! :shock:
The funniest part of that is that NDSU is in Fargo. Nice try, though.



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grizzh8r
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Post by grizzh8r » Wed Sep 21, 2005 11:51 pm

Da Bizon wrote:
WYOBISONMAN wrote:
Cat Grad wrote:These four NDSU friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Fargo and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to campus until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Fargo for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points):

Which tire?
I think I had that SOB for a class!!! :shock:
The funniest part of that is that NDSU is in Fargo. Nice try, though.
It is still a good joke though - which tire LOL!!


Eric Curry STILL makes me sad.
94VegasCat wrote:Are you for real? That is just a plain ol dumb paragraph! You just nailed every note in the Full Reetard sing-a-long choir!!!
:rofl:

Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Thu Sep 22, 2005 7:16 am

NDSU is in Fargo :shock: Duh :roll:



Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Thu Sep 22, 2005 7:23 am

The NDSU professor of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the professor asked the Bison qb, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, the qb volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."



Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:31 pm

Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to North Dakota?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

A new law recently passed in North Dakota: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

Two North Dakotans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"

A North Dakotan came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have them big red trucks?"



Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:36 pm

Last one...

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good North Dakota joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from North Dakota. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from North Dakota, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from North Dakota,too! Now, do you still want to tell your North Dakota joke?"

The guy says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"

The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."



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GOKATS
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Post by GOKATS » Thu Sep 22, 2005 6:33 pm

A guy from Colorado, a guy from Wyoming and a guy from North Dakota were finalists on a TV game show. The emcee said "For one million dollars I'm going to give you a well known phrase with one word missing. To win you must say the missing word and spell it correctly."

The emcee then said "Gentlemen, hands on the buzzers please. For one million dollars the phrase is 'Old Mcdonald had a ______."

Immediately the guy from Wyoming hit his buzzer and said "Ranch. R-A-N-C-H".

The emcee said "Ranch is not the correct answer, however you did spell it correctly".

The guy from Colorado hit his buzzer and said "Homestead. H-O-M-S-T-E-D".

The emcee said "Sorry, but homestead is not the correct answer and you mis-spelled the word".

All of a sudden the guy from North Dakota started jumping up and down so excited he was ready to pee himself. He hit his buzzer and blurted out "Farm- E-I-E-I-O!".
Last edited by GOKATS on Thu Sep 22, 2005 6:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.


FTG!!
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[quote=" tampa_griz"] (because China isn't a part of "Asia") .....

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roper1313
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Post by roper1313 » Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:31 am

A class of third graders are telling the class what their fathers do for a living. Most children said doctor, lawyer, fireman, policeman, banker, business owner, but when the teacher got to the last little boy he said, "my dad is a male stripper, he works at the local club and takes his clothes off for money". The teacher is dumbfounded and asks the boy to say after class. "Is your father really a male stripper?" the teacher asks. "No" replies the boy, "but I was too embarassed to say that he is the coach of the Montana State Bobcats football team."

:D :D 8) 8)

GO BISION!!!



Cat Grad
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Post by Cat Grad » Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:35 am

I don't know what's funnier, the joke or visualizing Coach as a stripper :lol:



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CelticCat
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Post by CelticCat » Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:39 am

roper1313 wrote:A class of third graders are telling the class what their fathers do for a living. Most children said doctor, lawyer, fireman, policeman, banker, business owner, but when the teacher got to the last little boy he said, "my dad is a male stripper, he works at the local club and takes his clothes off for money". The teacher is dumbfounded and asks the boy to say after class. "Is your father really a male stripper?" the teacher asks. "No" replies the boy, "but I was too embarassed to say that he is the coach of the Montana State Bobcats football team."

:D :D 8) 8)

GO BISION!!!
The only place Coach K would be popular as a male stripper would of course be Fargo. :D


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Da Bison
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Post by Da Bison » Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:15 am

An older couple was driving from Fargo to Bozeman.
When they got about fifty miles into Montana they looked over and saw two high school age boys had caught an antelope and were $cr__ing it. The wife exclaimed "that is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen".

A couple hundred miles later they came upon two college age guys who had caught a deer and were doing the same thing. The couple was amazed and agreed to ask someone in Bozeman when they got there.

As they drove into Bozeman, they were astounded to see, right in the middle of the intersection an old guy with his pants down and hanging onto a sheep for dear life.

They stopped at the convienance store on the corner and asked the clerk about it?

They told him about the two high-schoolers and the antelope the two college boys and the deer and " look at the the old guy in the intersection with the sheep" What is going on?????


The clerk thought for a while and then smiled his one tooth grin and said "well heck, you can't expect an old guy like that to catch an antelope or a deer can ya" :D :D :D :D



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